She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
