HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
