Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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