i don't plan on having that self control this summer
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
