Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
