Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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