I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
