I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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