Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season