i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?