Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.