So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
