I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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