When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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