Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
