Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
