Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
