i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
