The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
