She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
