i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
