its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
