you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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