By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
