and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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