Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
