I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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