I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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