booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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