All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
