found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
