apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
