Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
