i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
