yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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