After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
