I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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