btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
