the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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