Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
