I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
