There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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