I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
