But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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