Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
