Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
