I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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