she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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