You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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