she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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