She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
True strength comes from lack of pants
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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