PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
