her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
of course. lets lasso hookers.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
