Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
