Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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