I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
