end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
