when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
