she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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